Collector’s Corner #3: the Weirdest Thing in my Collection

Collector’s Corner #3: the Weirdest Thing in my Collection

If there is a standard in video game hardware, it is the cheap knockoff.  Since the beginning of video gaming, companies have been taking advantage of the video game market with cheap imitations and low quality ripoffs.  Higher end versions of this can be considered as the unlicensed games on early consoles, such as Bible games and NES games by TENGEN.  These days, the biggest knockoffs are knockoff systems.  Many systems try to emulate the look of other systems, especially the Wii, and come pre-loaded with a ton of games.  Most of these are cheaply made, are generic as hell, and control like ass.  Go to any Rite Aid or Walgreen's and you will see this all over the gift and electronics aisles.

In my younger years, my parents could not afford to get me a Gameboy.  Friends and family had Gameboys and Gamegears, and I had jack squat.  In the early 90’s, this could be countered with the Tiger Handheld electronic toys, which were basically monochromatic games on a pre rendered background and an LCD screen.  Anyone who grew up then remembers these, but apparently they are still going.

Unfortunately, I could not afford to have a ton of these systems, so I needed the next best thing.  Enter the no-name knockoffs, handhelds that claimed to hold “hundreds” of games on one console.  I remember these being sold at Boscov’s, with commercials appearing on late night infomercials and during ECW broadcasts (pre WWE).  This, my friends, is the Pro400 Gaming System, the weirdest console that I own.

Dafuq????

I do not remember exactly when I got this, but I want to say some time in 1997 or 1998.  This was not the one that was on TV a lot, but it is close enough.  Boasting a whopping 400 games, how can this go wrong?
The console itself has a decent, and surprisingly comfortable shape to it.  It has an oblong oval shape, with curved edges all around the device.  It is about 8 inches wide, and at its worst about an inch and a half thick, though the meat of the body is only around an inch.  It has a flip up screen, a 4 day D-Pad, and a single action button, that is used to both play games and select the play modes.

On the back of the console is the lone mono speaker, along with the battery ports for the device (2 AA’s) and a port for a small battery backup.  Why the smaller battery?  Well…

Once the screen is flipped, the basic outline of the play area is shown, along with a handy calculator...for some reason.  I have had this system for at least 15 years, and the calculator still works, so these batteries last a long time. Next to the calculator screen are 4 buttons: Pause/Start, Off/On, Reset, and Mute.  The volume has four different levels, going from loudest to muted.

Still Funny

The gameplay consists of block shapes displayed on a 10x20 grid.  Above and on the sides are all the different displays for each type of game.
While the game boasts 400 games, it is really just 9 games with a ton of different modes.  You get basic clones of classics such as Arkanoid, Combat, a vertical version of Pole Position, Frogger, Snake, random block shooting games, Simon, and about 8 versions of Tetris, each with a different catch. Some move to the left each time, some to the right, some are inverted, etc, etc.

I don’t remember how much this console cost, but I want to say somewhere around $50.  For the time, was it worth it?  Depending on your situation...possibly.  Playing it now, you really need to mash the buttons to get a response.  I am not sure if that is a product of age, or if it was always like that, but it is still pretty bad.  The music that plays in the beginning is a chiptune version of “1 little 2 little 3 little indians,” with the death screen being a classic tune that is instantly recognizable but I can’t remember at the time.  In game, there is no music, just the same chip sounds for shooting or moving, with the lone exception being the sounds for acceleration in the racing game.

Game Select Screen

Some games play better than others, with the Arkanoid and Tetris clones playing the best of all.  If there is one thing that this system does have going for it, it emulates a bunch of games that are all time classics.  The problem with many of todays knockoff systems is it tries to get too fancy with the games.  This game keeps it simple, and while it might not be the best playing, it at least has some good options for games.  Another plus to the system is that it has a LONG battery life.  Thanks to the simple sound (that I normally just turn off) and simple screen, there is not a lot to kill batteries, so you can play for hours.  The screen is not back lit, so you need a decent amount of light to play.  Unlike the Gameboy, you can play this system from a non direct angle, as the screen doesn’t blur from the side.

Positives aside, it is not a great system, but it is not the worst of these that I have ever seen.  For all of the flaws that this system has, I played the everloving shit out of this system.  When it is your only option, it is not a bad one, and I took it everywhere.  My favorite games were arkanoid and tetris, and I could play those for hours.  I actually fully beat one of the shooters too, which made me happy as a kid.  This game was so black market, I cannot find anything about it anywhere on the internet, so this article might be one of the few that you will see about it anywhere.  Overall, it is an interesting piece of gaming history, and one that I am thankful to still have, even if it is weird as hell.